For The Imbeciles

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For The Imbeciles

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Annoyingly Evil Things To Do, All The Time 1. Remember to say “spoot” at least 3 times in each sentence. 2. Make up your own words and use them all of the time. 3. Fall off of your chair in class during tests, and hen say it was an accident. 4. Have an opposite day every day. 5. Wear shirts that say, “I’m with stupid.” 6. Be extremely loud, talkative, and obnoxious in class but strive for good grades at the same time. 7. Poke people every chance you get. 8. Talk about yourself for two hours or more, then scream, “ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOU!” 9. Pretend to have fake seizures or heart attacks during class. 10. Blame your entire annoying behavior on sugar and Surge. 11. Whenever you answer the phone, remember to say, “I’m sorry, I do not speaketh English.” 12. Scream, “BLAH!” whenever people try to talk to you. 13. Tap or bang on everything in sight and make DJ noises. 14. Talk bad about people when they’re right next to you. 15. Burp loudly in your classmate’s face. 16. Speak in a shrill or strange voice at school all of the time. 17. Pretend to trip over everything. 18. When somebody tries to talk to you, twirl your finger around in the air and smile. 19. When somebody sneezes, scream, “You’re welcome!” 20. Always use a pencil that squeaks when you write with it. 21. Walk up to someone that you don’t know and say, “I hate you and I live in your basement!” 22. When a girl makes you mad, say, “Don’t talk to me like that young man!” and vice versa for dudes. 23. Sing really annoying songs in class like the “Doom” song from Invader Zim. 24. Go to the Quiet Study room in your local library with no books or anything to work on but remember to bring your CD player with head phones and turn it up as loud as it can go. If that doesn’t work, make loud sniffling or snorting noises for 30 minutes and remember to cough occasionally. If that doesn’t work, bring a pen or pencil and drop it on the floor every 5 seconds. 25. Take photos of people when they just wake up. 26. Walk like a drunk person. 27. Laugh or giggle continuously for no reason and don’t stop until somebody goes insane. 28. When you are in a public bathroom, take a whole roll of toilet paper and roll it under the stall to your stall mate. Then, rip off a handful of toilet paper from another roll and throw it over the other stall. 29. When you are in a public bathroom, turn on one of the sinks and stand in front of it but don’t wash your hands. Just stare at it for awhile until somebody goes insane and demands for the sink. 30. Walk circles around somebody for no reason. 31. Ask somebody questions until their head explodes. 32. Bang your head on your desk in class whenever you feel like it. 33. Stab your Civics/World History book and tell your teacher that they are evil. 34. Randomly threaten to stab someone with anything such as sporks, candy canes, ice cream, or bologna. 35. When the teacher yells at the class for being loud, say quietly, “God, I’m just trying to make a living.” 36. Make lippy-smacky noises while eating pizza or gum. 37. Make loud beeping noises during class. 38. Walk up to somebody you don’t know and say, “Remember me, Jake? I sat behind you in math class!” 39. Throw your pencil at kids in your class whenever you get the chance. 40. During class, pretend you are a bomb. Count down from 5 to 0, then jump out of your desk and make exploding sounds on the floor. 41. Draw embarrassing pictures of your peers. 42. Throw people’s stuff. 43. Walk up to somebody you don’t know and say, “Are you cold? Are you cold?” If they say no, continue with, “Are you cold now?” If they say yes, continue with, “Are you warm?” Don’t stop until they explode. 44. Make your eyes get all squinty and suspicious, then say to somebody, “You’re a terrorist aren’t you?” 45. Kick your locker and your buddy’s locker. 46. Stutter a lot and repeat what you say at least twice. 47. Make a glue buddy, paper buddy, string buddy, or Spork buddy and hit random people with it. 48. Try to add hilarious Invader Zim quotes into your speech everyday. 49. Smile too much, especially when people are angry with you. 50. Laugh at everything your teacher says. 51. Attempt to do your favorite cartoon character’s voice. 52. Draw comics in class. 53. Say, “Happy Birthday!” or, “Happy Halloween!” or, “Merry Christmas!” on the wrong holidays. 54. Whenever somebody tries to talk to you, say, “Shh! I’m busy alphabetizing my brain cells!” 55. Instead of saying, “No,” say, “Nar,” or, “Niyar.” Instead of saying, “Never,” say, “Nevah.” 56. Have fake seizures on your neighbor’s lawn. 57. Tell people that you’re blind and pretend to run into things. Also, tell people that you’re blind and that’s why you can’t hear them. 58. If you walk home from school, throw your backpack or jacket on the ground and say, “LET’S GO SLEDDING! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS SNOW!” when there is no snow. 59. Tell people that you have a “nervous condition” and then twitch like a maniac. 60. Speak in a loud, fake Japanese voice. Guaranteed to annoy the hell out of everyone in five seconds flat. 61. Say, “I understand.” In a sarcastic voice when people are trying to talk to you. 62. Click your pen maliciously in your buddy’s face. 63. Throw your books and binder and everything else on the floor while your teacher is talking. 64. Sing the “Stupid Sweater Song” from Spongebob Squarepants. 65. When your teacher drinks water, ask him/her if it’s “spiked”. 66. Bring a tiny strobe light or a laser pointer to school. Annoy the teachers, but don’t get caught. 67. When people bother you, say, “Okay, that’s it. I’m going to make a voodoo doll out of you.” Say this over and over again. 68. Act like you know everything. 69. When somebody bothers you, say, “You are so R.S.B.!” When they ask what that means, reply with, “Resealable Sandwich Bag!” 70. Make sprinkler noises during class. 71. Pretend that your desk is a racecar. Push the desk forward and make car sounds. Or, pull the desk backwards very slowly and make loud back-up beeping sounds. 72. Sing while you’re in the bathroom. 73. When somebody asks you a question, answer like a DJ. (Make DJ turntable sounds in between speaking.) 74. Run outside at 3:00 in the morning and yell things about global warming while holding a roll of toilet paper. 75. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way”. 76. Leave your Korn CD in your great uncle’s stereo, with the volume properly adjusted. 77. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise. 78. Interrogate strangers with odd questions and then announce they are “bugged” by the FBI. 79. Wear your pants backward. 80. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 81. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 82. If and when you see anyone walking close to your house, run inside while screaming, “THE MORONS ARE COMING! THE MORONS ARE COMING! AHH!” 83. Buy some strobe-light firecrackers and find a nice hiding place by a busy street. Light the firecrackers and throw them out into a median. 84. Pay for everything in pennies. 85. Repeat everything somebody says as a question. 86. Write, “X BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps. 87. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 89. Pretend your mouse is a walkie-talkie, and talk to it very loudly, “CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU THERE?” 90. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 91. Reply to everything someone says with, “That what THEY want you to think.” 92. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing people that you don’t wan to fall off “in case the big one comes”. 93. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
		94. Talk in that friendly, drawling voice that Mr. Rogers and guidance counselors always speak in. 95. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 96. Ask your classmates mysterious questions and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles”. 97. Construct elaborate “crop circles” on your front lawn. 98. Develop an unnatural fear of stick tape, staplers, candle wax, or Vegemite. 99. At the end of every sentence, add, “So says the President of the United States.” 100. Keep laughing non-stop when someone says something un-funny. 101. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 102. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 103. Ask 800 operators for dates. 104. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”. 105. Set alarms for random times. 106. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of, “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip.....” 107. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off. 108. Honk and wave at strangers. 109. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange 110. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 111. Begin all your sentences with, “Ooh la la!” 112. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE 113. dontuseanypunctuation 114. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 115. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times, “Do you hear that?” “What” “never mind, it’s gone now.” 116. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 117. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 118. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador” or “General”. 119. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 120. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”. 121. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 122. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 123. Finish the 99 Bottles of Beer song. 124. Sing the, “This is the song that never ends.....” 125. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No, wait. I messed it up,” and repeat. 126. Name your dog “Dog” and your cat “Cat”. 127. Ask people what gender they are. 128. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 129. Forget the punch line to a long joke but assure the listener that it was “a real hoot”. 130. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 131. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of the day. 132. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 133. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 134. Start at 1,099 bottles of beer on the wall and keep going until somebody makes you stop. 135. Write down the words to “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and sing it backwards in the wrong pitch. 136. Talk in Pig Latin all day. It REALLY gets on people’s nerves. 137. Speak only in a “robot” voice. 138. Sniffle incessantly. 139. Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”. 140. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 141. At a golf tournament, chant, “Swing batabatabata, SuhWING BATTER!” 142. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend”. 143. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme. 144. Never make eye contact. 145. Never break eye contact. 146. Stare at strangers just for the heck of it. 147. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 148. Sing along at the opera. 149. Page yourself over the intercom and don’t disguise your voice. 150. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it, “IN”. 151. Finish all of your sentences with, “In accordance with the prophecy.” 152. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 153. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood. 154. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I WON! I WON!” 155. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!” 156. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go.” 157. Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public. 158. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles. 159. Announce when you're going to the bathroom. 160. Answer every question someone asks with another question. As soon he/her says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!" 161. Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me. For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you!" 162. As people talk, smell their shoulders. 163. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you....." "PROVE IT!") 164. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you." 165. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the." 166. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is, "Just better quality." 167. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonalds. 168. Call everyone a communist. 169. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today. 170. Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach." 171. Call someone and ask for someone that you know is not there then hang up. Call again about a half hour later and ask for the same person then hang up again. Wait another half hour and call again and ask for that person again and then hang up again and wait a hour and call the same number and say that you are the person that you have been calling for and ask if you had any messages. 172. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing." 173. Call your neighbors collect. 174. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 175. Chew on pens/pencils that you've borrowed. 176. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 177. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking. 178. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school. 179. Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you. 180. Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal’. 181. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results. 182. Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them. 183. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over. 184. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?" 185. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language. 186. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl. 187. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa. 188. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." 189. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%. 190. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 191. Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'. 192. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 193. Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines. 194. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says. 195. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 196. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 197. Don't clean the dryer lint screen. 198. Don't leave a message at the beep, just hang up. 199. Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back. 200. Don't stand during hymns and anthems. 201. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly. 202. Draw mustaches on posters. 203. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. 204. Drum your fingers during other people's presentations. 205. Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet. 206. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it. 207. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there. 208. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 209. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask, "Is that a threat?" 210. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver. 211. Every time you see a particular coworker, shout, "So we meet again!" and laugh evilly. 212. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise. 213. Fart in cramped places. 214. Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do". 215. Finish other people's crossword puzzles. 216. Flirt with a friend's spouse, lick your lips slowly, wink, etc. 217. Force everyone to remove their shoes when they enter your office "to prevent contamination". 218. Forget the pooper scooper. 219. Frantically change the date on people's computers back 50 years, and claim that you are trying to save humanity from the "Year 2000 Bug." 220. Get to know a friend’s bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
		221. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 222. Give little kids clothes for their birthdays. 223. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme. 224. Go to a gumball machine and insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!" 225. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt. 226. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave. 227. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper. 228. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly. 229. Hang around national monuments all day, trying to get in other people's vacation photos. Afterwards, give them your address and ask them to send you a print when they get them developed. 230. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 231. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 232. In an office, lock all the doors behind you. 233. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 234. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." 235. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories. 236. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 237. Insist completely ridiculous things are true. 238. Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money. 239. Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified. 240. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up". 241. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles. 242. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R. 243. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 244. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. 245. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads. 246. Leave pages in the copier. 247. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April. 248. Leave the toilet seat up. (if you’re a guy.....) 249. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 250. Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower. 251. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot. 252. Let doors slam behind you in other people's faces. 253. Lie to your therapist. 254. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing". 255. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!" 256. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants. 257. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 258. Make scary faces at babies. 259. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking. 260. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's) 261. Mow your lawn with scissors. 262. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns. 263. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway. 264. On buses, attempt to convince the driver to take a really cool short-cut you know. Barter and haggle for your fare. 265. On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "Are we there yet?" 266. Open umbrellas in crowded hallways. 267. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 268. Pay tolls with bills. 269. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening. 270. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage. 271. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off. 272. Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want. 273. Place your shoes on the table. 274. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up! 275. Poke anyone near you and say, "Stop violating my personal space." 276. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things". 277. Practice making fax and modem noises. 278. Practice the art of limp handshakes. 279. Press the "power" button on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely; claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment. 280. Pretend you are invisible. 281. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings. 282. Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations. 283. Put everyone on speakerphone. 284. Race the old woman for the last bus seat. 285. Rain on someone's parade. 286. Rearrange the keys on associates' keyboards to spell unflattering things about their mothers. 287. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy. 288. Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet. 289. Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too. 290. Remove single socks from laundry machines at public Laundromats. Replace them bright red scarves which are especially prone to bleeding. 291. Ride a unicycle to work. 292. Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you. 293. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one. 294. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?" 295. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. 296. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 297. Send emails to listserv when nobody else can. 298. Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures. 299. Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and Twinkies on Thanksgiving. 300. Shake with your left hand. 301. Sharpen all your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
		302. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 303. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team. 304. Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass. 305. Smell smoke often and announce it. 306. Speak in a strong Welsh accent. 307. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it. 308. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills. 309. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2. 310. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn. 311. Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off. 312. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look. 313. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 314. Start to build a Star Destroyer. Build a mock-up out of Popsicle sticks. 315. Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3 a.m."to discuss old times". 316. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's. 317. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house. 318. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away. 319. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly. 320. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies. 321. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus. 322. Tell people that they're "putting on weight nicely". 323. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone. 324. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants. 325. Tell people they have bad breath. 326. Tell small children that they don't look very promising. 327. Tell teenagers how things were in your day. 328. Throw newspapers back at paperboys. 329. Throw stones at people walking past your house. 330. Touch strangers. 331. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say. 332. Vacuum your lawn. (Or preferably somebody else's) 333. Wait until you get to work to shave. 334. Walk around at the casino, looking at people's hands and giving them advice loudly. "Wow, that's a GOOD one!" or "Get rid of the nine; you've got a pair of kings!" 335. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food. 336. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?" 337. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family. 338. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" 339. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn. 340. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 341. Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everybody else's fashion sense. 342. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling. 343. Wear your cap backwards and say, "Yo, wazzup?" a lot. 344. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining. 345. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.) 346. When Christmas caroling, sing, "Jingle bells, Batman smellsâ€¦.." until physically restrained. 347. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two. 348. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention." 349. When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you. 350. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial. 351. When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be necessary where you are going." 352. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right. 353. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling, "I don't see your name on it!" 354. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation. 355. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?" 356. Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell, "Stop, drop, and roll!" 357. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job. 358. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.