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Annoying Things To Do At The Mall 1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “I think we have a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.
4. Put some M&M’s on lay away.
5. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people leave me alone?”
8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
9. Dart around suspiciously while humming the tune to ‘Mission Impossible’.
10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
12. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud.....”Hey we’re out of toilet paper in here!”
13. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
14. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
15. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
16. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
17. At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
18. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
19. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
20. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.....
21. .....But save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they’re “astronaut food”.
22. Follow patrons of B. Dalton’s around while reading aloud from Dianetics.
23. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
24. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?”
25. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
26. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in the clothes department, occasionally screaming without warning.
27. Test mattresses in your pajamas.
28. Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
29. If you’re patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
30. Sprint up the down escalator.
31. Stare at the static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they too, can see the “hidden picture”.
32. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
33. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
34. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
35. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there’s much meat on them.
36. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
37. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
38. Sneak up on a saleswoman at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
39. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
40. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
41. In the changing room, announce in a singsong voice, “I see London, I see France.....”
42. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around taking two-inch steps.
43. Play the tuba for change.
44. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play “Jesus Built My Hotrod”.
45. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
46. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have any “giant crap made out of straw”.
47. “Toast” plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
48. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
49. Ask the information desk for a stroller and someone to push you around in it.
50. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing “Saved by the Bell”. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
51. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling, “Scratch one flattop!”
52. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are “leak-proof”.
53. “Play” the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
54. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
55. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they are real.
56. If it’s Christmas ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
57. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in stores and say, “Domino’s”.
58. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
59. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
60. Show people your driver’s license and demand to know “whether they have seen this man”.
61. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn’t turned blue yet.
62. Take shopping carts for the sole purpose of filling them up and leaving items behind in random places all over the store.
63. Contaminate the entire auto department with air-fresheners.
64. Challenge others to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
65. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
66. Redress the mannequins as you see fit.
67. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially in small, narrow aisles.
68. Play with the automatic doors.
69. While walking through the clothing department, say loudly, “Who buys this crap anyways?”
70. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim that you’re taking it for a test drive.
71. Choose someone to follow for 10 minutes, always staying 5 feet behind them.
72. Play soccer with some friends using the entire store as your playing field.
73. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow! Magic!”
74. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.
75. Drape a blanket over your shoulders and shout, “I am Batman. Come Robin. To the Batmobile!”
76. TP as much of the store as possible.
77. Randomly throw things into other aisles yelling, “INCOMING!”
78. Make all the calculators say “hello” upside down.
79. If two or three people are walking in front of you, run between them yelling, “Red Rover!”
80. Make up products and ask newly hired employees if they have any in stock. Ex. shnerples
81. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they’re not looking.
82. Take up an entire toy aisle by setting up a full-scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
83. Ask the other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
84. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
85. Go into the food aisle and stack all the cereal boxes up and pretend the military forces are coming.
86. Stand perfectly still for exactly 1 minute, turn right 90 degrees, and repeat.
87. Choose a victim, then run up and hug them while yelling, “Uncle Joe! It’s you!” (Gender does not matter.)
88. Peer around the corner of the bathroom door with your eyes bugged out.
89. Fall asleep in the bedding department. (like, really do it)
90. Pretend to fall dead in one of the aisles and have your friend search your body.
91. Put on a black trench coat and walk around the store in a pattern, always keeping one hand in your pocket.
92. Beg for food at the food court.
93. Crawl around on your hands and knees and whimper.
94. Sit down, apparently in a daze, and mutter, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home..... I just want to go home to my Auntie Em....." and tap your heels together.
95. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
96. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much money you can make.
97. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
98. "Accidentally" get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
99. Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
100. Around Christmas time, start caroling. Ask for money from the listeners.
101. Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
102. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
103. Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell, "Yee-haw!"
104. Buy chrome hubcaps and put them on in the parking lot.
105. Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
106. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
107. Dress as a Jedi and randomly tell other shoppers in you're best Yoda voice, "May the force be with you".
108. Every time you walk out the door (or try waiting by the door for others to walk out), make a dinging noise then say mechanically "We're sorry. You have activated the Wal-Mart inventory control service. Please step back and a Wal-Mart associate will help you. Thank you."
109. Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
110. Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
111. Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
112. Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
113. Get a dish towel and bucket and sit on the floor singing, "It's a hard knock life for us!"
114. Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible).
115. Get a group of friends together and take lawn chairs from the display then rewind the movie playing on the display TV in electronics, sit down and watch the entire thing.
116. Get one of those fake dogs that barks/sings, place it on the ground in front of a group of people and press the button to make it sing/bark. Then proceed to bark and growl like you are going to attack it.
117. Go to the express lane and get an item, and say, "Wait, I forgot something,” and keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say, "Thanks, I forgot how much this costs," and walk away.
118. Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute, then throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case. When an attendant asks you what you are doing tell him you’re trying to change the game.
119. Go up to a guy and start crying saying, “I finally found you Mommy!” And see what he does.
120. Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and putting them into yours.
121. Go up to the clerk and say, “Code Red!” and see what they do.
122. Hide in the toy section, and when someone comes close, jump out at them, throw a ball, and yell, "Pikachu I choose you!"
123. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
124. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
125. Make farting noises as you walk by someone.
126. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
127. Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say.....“Oh that's me, I've got to go. Thank you.”
128. Play "Marco Polo".
129. Play blind chicken with 12 friends putting a blind fold on one and them having that person trying to find you.
130. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
131. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
132. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
133. Repeat whatever the store clerk tells you.
134. Roll cans of soup down the aisles.
135. Run around the store yelling, “I'm a princess!” while holding a toy wand.
136. Run around yelling for your pet ferret "Stinky". Check out all the funny looks you get!
137. Run up to a complete stranger, tap them, and say, "You're it!"
138. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
139. Set up ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut.
140. Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, "The brooms don't work!"
141. When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor, screaming "Mommy, I want that toy!"
142. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
143. Walk up the skinniest stairs in the mall with your arms out, not letting anyone pass and walking really slow. And any time someone gets near yell.
144. Men go into women's clothes stores and try on skirts, underclothes, swimsuits, etc. Ask shop assistants what they think. (vise-versa for women)
145. Bring survival gear and "live" in one of the tents in a camping shops. Scream, "Help!" & "We're under fire!" every 5 minutes. Make battle noises as well.
146. Wear your swimming clothes and go swimming in the coin pool! Wear armbands and a rubber ring for extra effect.
147. Go into a pet shop and release all the birds, parrots etc. Screaming at the top of your voice, "Be free my feathered friends!"
148. Take the money out the fountain while swimming and hand it out to people, spend it, or if possible throw it from the second floor. (it might hurt someone)
149. Add strange growths to the giant Lego men in the toy stores.
150. Put weird backgrounds on store computers when people aren't looking.
151. Stand in front of the Gap. "Fall" in repeatedly. Threaten legal action.
152. With a friend, speak in a different language (or make up your own) and make a scene, pointing at signs and people as if they were something shiny and new that you've never seen before. Pretend you're a tourist.
153. Walk right on people's heels and when they look back at you stop and look at the ceiling and when they turn back around continue.
154. Bring 15 things into the dressing room.
155. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
156. Buy it, wear it, return it.
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