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Ways To Annoy People In Restaurants
1. Play with your food; to add effect, act like it's a special performance for the people at the next table.
2. Turn around every thirty-seven seconds to the people at the next table and ask them if your seat is too close, if you're talking too loud, etc.
3. Whenever you see someone getting up and leaving, bolt to their table and take the tip before the wait-person returns.
4. Eat REALLY loud; make disgusting noises; slurp EVERY time you take a sip of your drink.
5. Constantly re-adjust the positions of absolutely EVERYTHING at your table; seats, silverware, dishes, the table itself; and make sure to make a big production out of it.
6. Order something on the menu, preferably something very specific, then when it comes, claim it's wrong and you ordered something simple. Make a big production about the ineptitude of the help.
7. If shells are on the menu, order them and take them home. Come in the next day and say, "Those shells you sold me jammed up my shotgun! I want my money back!"
8. As soon as someone at a nearby table gets up, jump into their seat immediately, and claim you've been there the whole night. This is especially great when the others at that table are in on it.
9. Whenever anyone leaves their seat at another table, put some particularly messy piece of food on their seat.
10. Two Words: Food Fight.
11. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.
12. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.
13. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way.
14. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherently. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.
15. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.
Ways To Annoy People At The Movies
1. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
2. Go, "Ooh....." whenever anyone kisses.
3. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
4. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
5. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
6. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
7. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
8. Yell out what is going to happen.
9. Wear a cape and when it’s your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
10. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend already is.
11. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
12. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
13. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
14. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
15. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
16. Sit in the front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
17. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
18. Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
19. Try to start the wave.
20. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
21. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
22. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
23. Sing with the theme music.
24. Bring and use your own air freshener.
25. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
26. Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
27. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
28. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
29. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
30. Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
31. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
32. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
33. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
34. Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
35. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
36. Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
37. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
38. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing, "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat."
39. Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!" Jump on the floor, and cover your head.
40. Wear one of those "Cat in the Hat" top hats.
41. Before the movie starts, stand up, and imitate the Truth commercial saying, "The makers of this film couldn't find any way to make their characters rebellious, rockin`, or cool so instead, they'll just smoke."
42. When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"
43. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themselves.
44. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
45. During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting, "Hooters!"
46. Before the movie begins, tape whoopee cushions to various chairs in the theater room.
47. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
48. Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking.
49. Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting, "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
50. Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.
51. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
52. Smuggle in cans of roaches, locusts, ants, and other bugs that can annoy and reproduce quickly. You may even bring in some rats. Then sit in the very back, open the jars, and toss the bugs out on the ground. Since the floor is more slanted in the back the bugs will spread throughout the theater faster. Be sure to be the first one to hump and scream, "There’s a #*@!roach crawling up my leg!" Then run out into the lobby and start yelling, "there’s #*@!roaches in here!" Or "This theater is contaminated!" The theater will have to close down and fumigate the
showroom(s), and after this little "accident" no one will want to go back to the theater anyway!
53. Bring a pager or cell phone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
54. Say, "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
55. Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.
How To Annoy Your Driver 1. All passengers should pretend to have their own brake pedal. 2. Always grab the dashboard or door handle and yell, "Whoa!"
3. Always tell the driver to slow down or speed up.
4. As a passenger, feel free to take your shoes off and smell up the whole car.
5. Constantly remind the driver of road conditions.
6. Every time you see a car do something that ticks you off, ask everyone in the car with you if it is included it on the "How to drive like a Moron" webpage.
7. Every time you see a car pulling out, yell to the driver, "Watch it!"
8. Grab the steering wheel if you feel the driver can not deal with a traffic situation.
9. If there is a mirror on the passenger side door, it's there for the passenger. Feel free to adjust it at will.
10. Make sure that you put your chewed bubble gum into the ashtray, unwrapped.
11. No matter what lane the driver is in and where you are going, always tell the driver that we would be better off in the next lane.
12. Point to the left and tell the driver to make a right.
13. Point to the right and tell the driver to make a left.
14. When at a traffic light, inform the driver the millisecond the light turns green.
15. When being picked up as a passenger, bring a messy powdered sugar donut and a large uncovered cup of coffee. Then, complain whenever the driver hits a bump in the road.
16. When directing the driver to make a left turn, tell him to make a "You-turn". When directing the driver to make right turn, tell him to make a "Me-turn".
17. When giving directions, tell the driver to turn after you pass the intersection.
18. When giving the driver directions, always mean to say one thing and tell the driver another. Then when the driver gets confused and passes a turn, yell.
19. When in the middle lane in heavy traffic, tell the driver that you really need to be in the right lane. Then when you finally cut another car off to be in the right lane, tell the driver you made a mistake and that this lane is going to end.
20. When riding with other passengers, always jump in the front passenger seat and yell, "Shotgun!"
21. When traveling straight, tell the driver to get into the left lane. A lane that suddenly becomes a "left-lane-must-turn-left".
22. Whenever possible, adjust all the dashboard controls, including the radio, heat, and fan.
23. Whenever the driver parks, get out and inspect whether or not the car is properly parked within the lines.
How To Annoy Other Drivers
1. After you cut off a vehicle, give a "Thanks-for-letting-me-in" wave and nod to the other driver.
2. Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
3. Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and fire trucks so you get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
4. Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
5. If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what you are doing, and give him a dirty look.
6. If another driver is courteous enough to let you in front of him/her, show your appreciation by letting the entire world in front of you, including tractor trailers and construction vehicles.
7. If for some reason you had to pull over on the shoulder, wait until a car is approaching to pull back onto the road.
8. If the driver behind you is honking and flashing his headlights because he is in some sort of an emergency rush, do NOT pull over to let him pass.
9. If you are driving fast, stick one arm out the window, twist your hand back and forth, and pretend to be an airplane as the wind lifts your arm.
10. If you are on vacation and you see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
11. If you get lost while driving, the best place to stop and get your bearings is at a green light.
12. If you have a cell phone, use it as much as possible. If you have no one to call, hold the phone up to your ear and pretend.
13. If you need to stop to ask for directions, wait until there is a car behind you and stop in your lane to block traffic. Try to ask directions from either a 90 year old local, a deaf person, an illegal alien, or a child.
14. If you see a vehicle getting in your lane directly behind you, hit your brake pedal. The closer the vehicle, the harder you should press.
15. If you see an emergency vehicle traveling on the opposite side of a concrete divider, stop abruptly.
16. If your vehicle is capable of spinning its tires on dry roads, take advantage of this. Make as much black smoke as possible.
17. Keep your brake light blinking by keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
18. Maintain flex-time at work so that you can drive around leisurely when others are rushing to get to work on time.
19. On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle next to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
20. Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
21. Swerve into the opposite lanes to avoid hitting roadside obstacles..... like Styrofoam cups and Twinkie wrappers.
22. Use your driving time as an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with your significant other.
23. When approaching a curve in the road, slow down as if the road is ENDING.
24. When approaching a yield sign, either accelerate without looking or come to a full and complete stop.
25. When drivers ahead of you pull over to let emergency vehicles pass, accelerate so that they can not merge back into traffic.
26. When driving at a slower speed, stay in the left-most lane.
27. When driving in a lane that is going to end because of construction, ignore all the "LANE CLOSED - MERGE AHEAD" signs. Then wait until the last second and cut off the other drivers that had the common sense to switch lanes earlier.
28. When driving in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic, always drive with at least 10 car lengths in front of you.
29. When having another vehicle follow you to where ever you are going, and a third car merges between you, drive 5 miles an hour just to make sure that your followers (who are 2 cars behind) can see you.
30. When picking up a passenger during the early morning or late night, in a residential neighborhood, stop in front of the house and honk the horn. Either a series of long honks or in a melody of a song such as "Shave and a haircut" is appropriate.
31. When there's traffic behind you, always drive 8-20 MPH below the posted limit.
32. Whenever possible, cut off other drivers and slow down.
33. Whenever you see a police car, even parked, slam on the brakes and drive 15-20 MPH slower than the speed limit.
34. While listening to your favorite song, let other drivers on the road know that you’re listing to your favorite song. The best way to do this is, is to steer the car with your knee, pretend to be holding a pair of drum sticks, and start beating away at the steering wheel and rear-view mirror bobbing your head all over the place.
35. While traveling down residential streets, drive 2 MPH and look at all the houses and landscaping. In fact, look everywhere except out the front windshield.
36. Women are encouraged to put on their make-up while driving.
37. You always have the right of way.
38. Your car stereo should be blasting music at approximately 900,000 decibels.
39. Tailgate the elderly.
Annoying Things to do at a Synagogue
1. Yell out, "Line!" when reading from the Torah.
2. Use the Jewish hat as a Frisbee.
3. Take up a collection plate.
4. Take bets on when the ever lasting light will burn out.
5. Shout out, "Praise Jesus!" after every prayer.
6. Print out spark notes on the Torah and hand them out.
7. Wear sandals and a robe and call everyone "my son".
8. Sing the words loud and off-tune.
9. Bring popcorn and keep saying, "I heard that religion got a good review"
10. Give a standing ovation at the end.
11. Ask people if it is Easter.
12. Leave cookies and milk in the middle of the synagogue with a piece of paper that reads Santa.
13. Sell bibles.
14. Tell the young Jewish kids that Adam Sandler is not Jewish.
Annoying Things To Do In A Swimming Pool
1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6. Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
9. Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
10. Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say, "HA-HA, fooled you!"
11. Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
12. Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
13. Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
14. Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
15. Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
16. When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
17. Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say, "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.
18. Hit strangers with your wet towel.
19. Throw people's things into the pool.
20. Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
21. Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
22. Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
Ways To Annoy People On The Subway
1. Take large objects on the train with you.
2. Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.
3. Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people next to you.
4. Sell stuff.
5. Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
6. Yell to your friends at the other end of the train.
7. Make fun of other people while they are in hearing distance of you.
8. Ride the train while drunk. Extra points if you throw up.
9. Constantly ask people for directions.
10. Ask people where they are from.
11. Ask people where they are going.
12. Quiz people on the meaning of life.
13. Start a game of poker. Extra points if it's strip poker.
14. Start a game of tag. Extra points if it's strip tag.
15. Start a game of twister.
16. Use a cell phone. Talk loudly.
17. Turn your headphones up to 120 decibels and then complain loudly that they just don't make headphones loud enough anymore.
18. Shake off your umbrella on the people sitting down.
19. Shake off your hair on the people sitting down.
20. Wring out your shirt on the people sitting down. Even on days when it's not raining. Make them wonder where it all came from.
21. Wring out the shirt of the person sitting next to you.
22. Bring a pet. Preferable a rattlesnake. Without a cage.
23. Juggle eggs.
24. Juggle knives.
25. Don't take a shower for a month.
26. Stick your feet way out into the aisles when sitting down. Extra points if you're wearing clown shoes.
27. Tell the people your problems. They really want to know.
28. Start line dancing. Even when there's no music.
29. Use the shoulder of the person next to you to take a nap.
30. Use the shoulder of the person next to you to blow your nose.
31. Use the shoulder of the person next to you to cry.
32. Have deep philosophical conversations about belly button lint.
33. Play an accordion for money. Make people pay you to stop.
34. Jump up and down muttering "Gotta go, gotta go" then frown and say, "Oops."
35. Use pennies in the turnstile.
36. Wear a Burger King crown and tell everyone that they must bow before royalty. Hit those who don't.
Annoying Things To Do At School
1. Organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
2. Organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
3. Organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
4. Superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
5. Write fake love notes and slip them into people's lockers.
6. If someone near you falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
7. Lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the top of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already.
8. Place chalk inside the erasers so the teachers end up putting big 'ol lines across the blackboard.
9. When you use the bathroom, get a LOT of soap on your hands (If it's the slimy kind.), but don't wash it off, just leave goo all over doorknobs, railings, etc.
10. Screaming gibberish in crowded hallways is always good for a laugh.
11. Leave a Snickers bar in the toilet.
12. Ask people to hold your hand when going down the stairs.
13. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
14. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
15. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
16. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
17. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoo the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
18. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
19. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman Empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
20. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
21. End the paper with, "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds."
22. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.
23. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
24. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
25. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
26. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
27. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
28. Make your paper one long, never-ending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use a lot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks.
29. Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
30. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!" Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the professor throws you out.
31. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, you dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
32. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
33. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
34. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
35. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
36. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
37. Refer to all prominent historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
38. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
39. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action".
40. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
41. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
42. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
43. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
44. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.
45. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.
46. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while. (This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
47. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
48. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
49. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
50. When your professor asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
51. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
52. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
53. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
54. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
55. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
56. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
57. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak". When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN....."
58. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If your professor objects, explain that you can't stand sitting in this pigsty any longer. Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.
59. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
60. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.
61. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"
62. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.
63. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!"
64. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck." and "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."
65. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.
66. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your professor.
67. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.
68. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.
69. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and the blankets and act like you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the duration of the class.
70. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.
71. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.
72. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, yell, "Look out!" and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.
73. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins".
74. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.
75. Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your professor. Demand extra credit.
76. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.
77. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.
78. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.
79. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during class, like your going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.
80. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring".
81. Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through the window.
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